Ego and My Perception of It

“We must walk a spiritual path. Ego must wear itself out like an old shoe, journeying from suffering to liberation.”

My Ego is not a worn-out shoe! To the contrary!

- Chögyam Trungpa

Well, I disagree!

I’m not wearing my ego out! 

Because my view of ego is different from most people’s.

Those of you who’ve been with me a while know that the way I see ego is that, as human-beings-being-human, our egos are the seat of all our emotions. The rest of us is busy being who we actually are.

Seeing it like this, means I bring my ego with me, and I say 'as we all do'. But I bring mine knowing my ego feels my deep love and compassion for it.  I regard mine as this caring, integral part of me that is focused on my safety and protection, and it's wary of anything that may compromise my safety. 

Most of us view ego to mean this arrogant, narcissistic personality ‘with an ego’.  We refer to those of us with this type of personality as egotistical.

Consider that perhaps we all have this type of self-important characteristic within us, but again, maybe this is still to do with safety.  Like a version of “I will keep myself safe at all costs”. So, while thinking like this, it may mean I become self-centred and conceited, or at least that’s how I come across.  And we all know people with this kind of unpleasant egotistical behaviour.  But I say that maybe, deep underneath, oftentimes many layers deep, people like this are grappling with these same safety fears. And they work so hard not to show it.

Here’s my more recent view of ego:

These days I truly understand what historically my ego has been doing.  The truth is it – she – and yes I call her she - has kept me safe for decades and I’m eternally grateful to her for that.  In my case it has meant however that I have steered clear of situations that could maybe, possibly, compromise my safety or caused me suffering. Instead of being 'egotistical', my ego has kept me being an avoider.  

Not everyone views ego like I now do.  Most view safety from the ego to mean "I am centred within my own arrogance and this shows how untouchable and invulnerable I am.  This way I am safe."

But consider that maybe they’re not actually feeling safe.

A few years ago, I learnt to view my ego differently.  She and I are now an amazing team.  She has worked so hard for me all these years, and I now feel extraordinary gratitude for all her hard work. 

Now she and I together have gone down a unique path.

I no longer see vulnerability as a reason to retreat.  She and I understand now that there are two types of vulnerability: (i) the usual one we think of associated with weakness, but that (ii) there is also a vulnerability linked with strength.  This is different from empowerment because we acknowledge we are still facing a vulnerable situation, but we trust ourselves in a way that she and I haven’t been able to before. 

This means we don’t feel fearful about the vulnerability or the unknown.  It’s OK.  They are paths untravelled, but the vulnerabilities are still OK.

And now this trust between us leads to my empowerment. Understanding my strong vulnerability means I can allow myself to feel empowered.

I have learnt to treat my ego with gratitude, compassion, acceptance and love.  Recently we've together moved into this newly created position which I call my mind-space / body-space / heart-space (call it what you want). It's a space where we can be an observer of our emotions. This means that as observers in this space we have space for clarity. What a relief! Here I’ve become much more aware of what my ego wants to feel.  I’ve thanked my ego many times And now together I can choose how I want to feel.

And the understanding I get is mind-freeing. This is my liberation. My ego as my emotion centre is liberated with me. 

Which means on this journey she is no worn-out shoe!  She is free to grow and keep learning on the path of unknowns no matter how vulnerable I am.

We’re a team – a very loving, grateful, space-focused and liberated team.

And instead of feeling like an old worn-out shoe, she is as fresh as a daisy on this, our unique path!